Monday, April 11, 2011

Good Manners

If you know me, you've heard me talk about "The Alice Principle"; the belief that, taken to their logical conclusion, good manners can save the world.  When Alice is confronted by the caucus of birds she politely slips away.  She manages to avoid all sorts of unpleasantness through the simple expedient of good manners and the knowledge of when to leave; the latter determined by the responses to her overtures.  When manners fail to garner a return in kind, Alice simply leaves with as little damage to her self or reputation as possible.  So, I have been researching.

I have discovered that the purpose of manners is to "make other people feel more important than yourself."  Manners is the formal aspect of Respect; a code of behavior that expresses the intrinsic value and human rights of every "other" individual.  Manners is the expression of Respect. 

Respect requires the individual to focus on the comfort and feelings of others.  Some basic tenets:
     Recognize levels of societal status.  Older and higher ranking community members are recognized if only for having survived longer and been trusted with more than younger or lower ranking individuals.  As we no longer live in feudal states or with a landed aristocracy, this means presidents, doctors, and seniors outrank citizens, patients, and the younger.
     Recognize natural rights (with the important addition of "Right to Privacy").  This is why you say excuse me when you ask a stranger the time, why you do not take, use, or interfere with the property of others, and why you do not enforce your will on others.
     Recognize the individual tastes and preferences of others and limit public behavior with an eye to common values.  Burp, fart, curse and scratch in the privacy of your own home; don't inflict such idiosyncrasies on an unsuspecting public.
     Seek the comfort of others.  In public, bad behavior is not recognized publicly. Seats on public transportation is given to the less able; older, injured, challenged, belabored individuals.
     Assume the best.  The guy who cuts you off in traffic is not an asshole; maybe just inconsiderate.  Give the benefit of the doubt when safety is not the issue.

Oh, there's more.  Some of it very formal and detailed, but all aimed at creating a coded behavior that eases all parties involved.  And guess what!  It can all be derived from one simple rule.  Treat others as you would like to be treated.

Oh wouldn't it be fine to have smiling encounters in the street, in businesses and communal resources?  Wouldn't you love to be treated as if your happiness were the concern of everyone else on earth?  Wouldn't it be nice to know that everywhere you went, you would be treated as if you were special, worthy, free, intelligent, independent and deserving of humane treatment?

That's how you escape the dangers of Wonderland.
    

No comments:

Post a Comment